Have you heard the phrase “Whether you think you can or you think you can’t, you’re right”? Well, there’s quite a bit of truth to it.

For better or for worse, your brain listens to everything you say, even when you’re not actively paying attention to it. Research conducted with computer science students found that the students who believed their intelligence and skills were something they could improve and grow made them more likely to succeed, while the students who believed their intelligence was a fixed quality were more likely to stop trying after facing setbacks.

In other words, if you believe you can’t improve a certain skill, or if you’re “just not the kind of person who does [x],” your brain will quietly work to prove you right. But, if you believe you can become that kind of person, you give yourself permission to try. And you’ll keep trying, even when it’s hard.

So, if you’ve ever wondered why certain goals feel impossible or why you keep falling into the same frustrating patterns, this might be why: your subconscious beliefs are quietly running the show. For example, if you want to lose weight - even if you really want to and you tell others that you’re trying, but you’re carrying a lot of doubt due to past difficulties, it’ll be very hard to succeed. In psychology, we call these limiting beliefs. They often sound like: “I can’t,” “I won’t”, or “I’m not.”

To demonstrate this, let’s do a quick experiment together. You don’t need anything but your memory and your home.

Step 1:

Close your eyes and think about how many red objects are in your living space. Without looking around, try to name as many as you can. Record how many you thought of.

Step 2:

Now, walk around your home for a minute or two and actually count how many red objects you can find. You’ll probably notice a bunch of things you didn’t remember - pillows, packaging, tags on clothes, books, food labels, and so on - way more than your brain pulled up at first.

Here’s what just happened: when you started looking for red, you began noticing red.

Our brains look for what they want to see. The good news is we can use this to our advantage.

Now, let’s apply that to our life.

If you go into your day thinking things like, “I always mess things up,” or “I never follow through”, your brain starts scanning for proof of that belief and ignoring everything that contradicts it. And your behavior will follow. If you have a tendency to believe your negative thoughts more than neutral or positive ones, the psychological term is negativity bias.

But let’s consider the alternative: If you start thinking things like, “I’ve handled tough things before,” or “I’m learning how to follow through”, suddenly, your brain starts picking up examples of growth instead of failure.

You really do see what you’re looking for.

So, what does this all mean for me?

What you believe is what you become

Let’s apply this to a health behavior. Many of my clients have told me they’re not someone who journals, even if they understand the benefits it would bring. If you believe you’re bad at journaling, you’re probably not going to stick with it. You might start once or twice, feel awkward, write something like “I don’t know what to say,” and then stop. But - is that because you truly can’t journal, or because you expected it not to work?

Your brain likes to be right

It will subconsciously steer you toward actions (or inactions) that confirm your beliefs. This tendency is a psychological phenomenon called confirmation bias. When we believe something about ourselves, whether it’s “I’m lazy” or “I’m determined”, we tend to find evidence that supports it, and dismiss anything that doesn’t.

Your brain loves to pay attention to the things that confirm what it already believes. Rewiring takes time and practice, but it is possible.

What you believe determines what you try

Here’s the sneaky part: your beliefs shape what you attempt (or don’t). It’s likely that you’re leaving life-changing habits or strategies on the table because you’re not giving yourself the chance to even try them.

If you believe you’re disorganized, you might not bother creating a calendar system, even if it could help.
If you believe you’re not good with routines, you might never stick with one long enough to get past the awkward beginning.
And if you believe you're doomed to be distracted forever, you might not seek out strategies that could genuinely help you focus.

This is how we unintentionally keep ourselves stuck. It’s not always about skill or effort. Sometimes it’s about mindset - especially when it comes to things like ADHD, anxiety, or burnout. We internalize so many labels from the world around us that we forget we get to define who we are, not just who we’ve been.

So what can you do about it?

Change the script, change the outcome

Step 1: Catch the thought

Start noticing the sneaky statements that pop up when you try something new. They might sound like: “I can’t do this,” “I’m always behind,” or “This never works for me.” Do your best not to judge them or guilt yourself over feeling this way - just notice them. Writing them down is a good idea, too. Keeping track of these thoughts can help you recognize patterns, including where the thoughts are coming from.

Step 2: Ask yourself: Is this belief helping me?

Not is it true, but is it useful. Maybe “I’m a mess” feels accurate after a rough day, But does this belief help you move closer to your goals? Or, does it help perpetuate a cycle you’re working to escape? Remember that we’re not judging ourselves for these thoughts. They’re normal, and it’s important to acknowledge your emotions.

Growing your belief in yourself starts with teeny tiny thoughts.

Step 3: Swap in a growth-oriented belief

Try something like:

I’m learning to be more organized.
It’s okay to be a beginner.
I’m figuring out what works for my brain.

These small shifts change how your brain approaches problems. It’s okay if you don’t believe them at first. It’s normal for them to feel weird! Just give it a little time and practice.

Keep in mind that the best statements are the ones closest to the truth. If you’re having a hard time finding a growth-oriented belief, start by identifying your strengths, and then tie what you’re working on into those strengths. I’ll write another blog post about this soon, but in the meantime, you can read more about growth-oriented beliefs in my blog post about having a growth mindset.

Step 4: Fake it til you make it

Even if it feels awkward at first, try behaving like someone who believes that new thought. If your new belief is “I’m someone who journals,” then journal. Remember that all habits are skills, which means they improve with time and practice. It doesn’t have to be perfect. Eventually, just like learning how to walk when you were a toddler, or learning the skills you use at your job, you’ll find that it gets easier, and you’ll learn the skill of journaling.

Final thoughts

The myth of confidence

You don’t have to wait for confidence before taking action. In fact, it usually works the other way around: belief follows behavior. The more you act like the person you want to become, the more natural those beliefs start to feel. This is how you build confidence.

So if you’ve been feeling stuck, overwhelmed, or like you’re not “that kind of person,” take a step back and ask: What do I believe about myself right now? And is that belief helping me grow, or keeping me small?

You get to decide what story you’re telling yourself, and the story you tell will shape what you see.

Start looking for the red.

You Are What You Think: How Your View of Yourself Determines your Success